By : Al-Anoud Sarhan
Date: 9/4/2011

On a sunny Friday, a modern Jordanian couple enjoying a repose:

A: such a beautiful day

B: hmmm yeah…Happy summer. You know. I wish i could play soccer again like good old times.

A: Play soccer?(had eli 6ele3 m3k…she thought)you do that every Tuesday with your fellas!and good old times?(wtf )you are only 35!

B: Eh! I would have been in Man-utd or Real madrid!bs eli ma elo 7az yoskot!

A: Lool i wish Pele could join us now. Hun you never even thought of joining a local club..

B: Sho! I mean what! All great players started from their neighborhoods! B3dain what do u know about football?5alleeki b majallat home w sayedati,shofilek tab5a!

A: Sweetie it’s just a conversation, you would have had a career…..would you like some tea?

B: ah ok…yes please, don’t forget the ashtray.

C: daddy! We kicked ass today and won 6-2 3ala wlad el 7ara ettanieh!

A: 3afya 3alek! That’s ma boy! C’mon let’s brag about it!

Mother comes from the kitchen, tracking her son’s dirty foot stamps on the shiny floor..
B:i told you a thousand times :wipe your shoes before you enter the house or take them off! Do i look like Margaret Garner! God!

B: chillax Hun, he will do it as soon as he’s done here.

A: na3am?

B: you heard me, stop oppressing the boy.

A: oppressing? Bdo yesma3 el kalam! Move it!

B: hey i am the man here! Whatever i say you shall obey! The boy is not going anywhere!

A: hek y3ni?

B: pfft…You dramatize everything…Wen al-jazira 3nk…

Anyway son, how many goals have you scored?

A: wait wait. I dramatize things?

C: none

Parents: WHAT?

B:w sho kayen tswai ya mal3oon abo sha*****!

C: dad kont 3al bench elyom(disgraced)

A: what about practicing 5 hrs. daily? Training your butt cheeks? And no studying off course…sho bdi a7ki…like father like son…

B: wal 3aleki sho enek nakad! Is this how you solve a problem?

A: yalla enta solve it! Walla law basma3 esem messi wella 7assona men yom w tale3 ma tloomo nafskom! No more zeft football ba3d al-yawm!

The boy cries, rushing into his dad’s arms, but his dad slaps him: sawadet wejhi ! What will our neighbor abu salim say! : Ah haaahhhaaaa your boy is just a whiny kid who can’t even shoot the net straight 7atta bedon 7ares !AN OFFSIDER LIKE HIS DAD! (Wella 3arda fan :P)

The boy looks at his dad and says: you never scored dad?

Dad shrugs: off course I did son! But I wasn’t lucky enough to enjoy my glorious days. Sigh

-Mother smirks then smiles sarcastically.

B: What?

A: nothing

B:la e7ki sho fi?why this sarcastic smile?

C:I am off to my room.

A: scoring…(you barely scored in bed….she thought..bubble burst..splashshshshshshsh)

B: what do you know anyway….(if I could go back to last tuesday )he thought.

A:I am so sick of polishing your shiny image, I am just a maid in the house!and your boy..damn it! You want him to be just like you! He doesn’t have to make up for every single failure you couldn’t overcome! Your stupid ambition won’t get him anywhere, he needs to study and pass the ‘’Fs’’ he gets all the time! Eshi ma byen6a2! And he never listens to me because of you! I am his mother!

B: hahaha …you are so pathetic. What’s this has to do with my scores? He winks.

A: I will not have this conversation now, (you freakin need a Happy penis!)she murmured…i need a pill, the migraine is killing me…..

A moment of a killer silence, when the couple stood still just exchanging glances. It’s there…I know you are cheating on me; your faithful mistress is probably waiting. I just don’t know if you’re actually worth fighting for..

She goes to the kitchen, and then heads to the bedroom for a nap. And he texts the other woman to see if she’s available for the night.10 min later mobile beeps! A positive response, voilà!
He rushes to the bathroom, shaves and dresses up. He sneaks through the back door, next thing you know he’s at her door step.

And so this beautiful rhapsody continues, with some nostalgic violin playing background.

Dad is not busted, but soon he finds out that he was the miserable mistress for the mistress. He curses her: you fucking whore! You pathetic cheap slut! She utters a bitchy laugh : Alla y3een martak! She got a stairway to heaven for putting up with you! Now get the fuck out and try the happy penis again! Bitch! .Arnab ta3ees!

He comes home, slamming the door behind him, where the fuck are you?!! He screams.

Mother sitting in the living room, having a cup of green tea with a small package beside her on the couch..

Hey! Take it off right here on the cou…….he looks at her, and the couch, and….what’s on the couch…

A: Don’t utter a single word…I believe you had a long day…

Yep,you guessed it right…it was the happy penis package!

{End of scene}

Y3ni in such a sensitive case there’s nothing that could save you, even telling the truth that you have a sexual dysfunction, but some honesty with your so called partner wouldn’t hurt .but really men aren’t worth it sometimes, their superior thinking forces us to lower our expectations. And not just in bed..
I wonder what’s more embarrassing: Cheating on your wife, or not being able to address your issue and give in your ego..!

Santosh Kalwar summons up everything in a single line : ”All the problem of women, starts with men. All the problem of men, ends with women.”

Faithfully Yours,
Sarkasmos 🙂