By : Al-Anoud


I was at sixes and sevens in my head when he told me he’s coming back to town.”It’s 6:30 pm.we are 30 minutes apart” I thought.We decided to meet at my place.i wonder if he still looks the same,wow…we were always out of sync,my so called May-December romance…Despite being three years apart it still kinda feels like yesterday.A long tape of memories passed through my mind; our first kiss, our morning coffee together, Gibran’s notes on my mirror,and our silly arguments and teary fights.I don’t kno…Oh I hear footsteps,it must be him.As he knocks twice i take a deep breath.”Just be yourself,tonight it’s your call” .

”Hey! ” i say with arms wide open.

”Good to see you again! looking great! ”he hugs me.

”come in! ”.

”Am so glad to be here,thank you for having me tonight ” he said .

”my pleasure,you know you’re always welcome”

”i had to bring my luggage with me since i am heading to Dubai.i feel like a sales man from one hotel to another! love your smell by the way.this is for you” he hands me a book by Charles Bukowski .

”why thank you sir” i said smiling.”Dinner is ready”.

I could tell from the way he was checking me out that we were about to have a good time. We enjoyed dinner and spoke of different matters;work,life,family,love,dirty secrets.We made fun of our old days together and the stupid misspelled love letters in Italian.I barely made eye contact with him,Once he smiles sweet shivers engulf my’s that beautiful kind of weakness i secretly enjoy.I never got over that smile! everything was going smoothly until i asked this dumb question :

”So..are you thinking of settling down and quit playing the field anytime soon?”

”Me?seriously why would i?every woman is a new adventure.the more i discover each and every one of you the more i discover something new about my self.i understand myself through eve! i don’t like crocodiles;nor do women!who would have thought that secrets reveal more secrets.. I love how you get me into a strange frame of mind,more like being drunk and sober at the same time..i have been intoxicated by each lady’s scent,yet i can tell who’s the floral Jasmin lover,the candy girl.or that grandma scent you try to skip during the intercourse! haha …i know your smell…”

I looked at him while sipping my drink,malice eating my heart and a bit of my brain.You know my smell?he turned this night into one Casanova tale! And yeah,i was not Scheherazade of his a thousand and one nights ! I was full of anger and frustration after our breakup three years ago . I blamed myself for the last words he said to me : that I couldn’t let go of his past, instead of giving him a chance to become the man he is meant to be with me i boxed him in and decided to compete with his past until I became a part of it.well…apparently i am still around,tonight i shall give him a chance to be the ”man” he is meant to be…

”Oh that’s deep and well said,i suppose you enjoy being the big fish in the small pond.obviously you have so much to offer ”i said with a sarcastic tone.Beholding the man sitting in my kitchen bragging about his ”family jewels” for over two hours made me (think): what on earth was i thinking!!!

I looked away to force some silence into the atmosphere.I don’t know if he felt as upset as the woman before him who was hoping for a reunion after all these years and found a gigolo instead.he collects women?i swear i wanted to kick him from underneath the table! i simply felt like a round pig in a square hole.My friends were right,some things never change.He is a player who knew how to play his game.Perhaps it’s my turn to roll the dice..

……Then i changed my mind….

” you know…Women have given me private lessons in life”he said in a moment of contemplation.”i remember one woman(alla yothkorha bel 5er) who told me of pain : Don’t utter the “ouch” unless you feel the “ouch” deep inside;it is real pain she intended.Another signorina gave me anatomy lessons,(I’d like to call her my wizard)she got me subscribing to Cosmopolitan magazine!and most secrets between the sheets were unveiled to me like a Pandora‘s that point i felt like a Demi-god,she was my years of age difference worked its magic. She used to say: you only got one map…she..”

”Ah you know what,i’d like some more champagne”. i took off my heels and crossed my feet up on the dinner table.

Mr.All brawn and no brain at that moment knew he was about to get lucky tonight ” give me ten minutes my lady” the sly took off in a hurry .

I walked around my place holding my half empty glass of champagne in my hand.i was kinda tipsy and the dim light of the side lamps in the rooms didn’t help much.I staggered in haste and once the glass hit the marble floor a wave of heat took over my trembling body and opened up my eyes.Shoot! i tried to collect the shattered pieces but i found my self resting on the cool floor…I took a trip down my memory lane and sang the devil spell:

It’s the click of my heels that will make his heart pound madly, with every step i take .It’s the perfume he respires through my skin that he shall seek tonight. all i see now  is a vague reflection of an old memory that once meant something. Living in a state of infinite reluctance and uncertainty won’t help me much…and across the room i see a sharp steel knife…

I heard a door slam.

‘’I am back.’’ He took a couple of steps and placed the champagne bottle on the bench, eyes fixed on me without a single blink.’’ Veuve yellow label,umm…” wondering why on earth i had that knife in my hand!

I took the bottle and led him to the bedroom.He had no idea what to do because apparently to him i was drunk and out of control.I threw the knife on the mattress carelessly.Being bottled up the last three years paid off tonight:

”Do you know how to open a bottle of champagne with a knife?” i asked him

” not really.listen,i can get a ..”

I took the knife and scrolled deep in the cork abit,then pushed it inside the bottle,poured my self a drink and offered him one more round.

That night I fell asleep wrapped in his blue shirt, which-am sure- he found later on his packed up bags, with a note:  ‘’ Fill each others cup but drink not from one cup. Thanks for the champagne and have a safe trip’’

Note to self: I kept asking my self what was all that about.clinging into some past shadow.He probably treated me the way he treated his past fifteen girlfriends.Listen up woman:Your insomniac soul could use some sleep, even if you’re bound to tell a story of  a couple who decided to smash their romance against a brick wall three years ago and one of them was left to collect the shattered pieces .When the blinding light of the future flashes before your eyes like a thunder bolt,you will realize that life has so much to offer you! A man can only complement your life,he cannot give you the missing part that you aught to find  yourself .Just practice the words of a wise man :

‘’It was but yesterday I thought myself a fragment quivering without rhythm in the sphere of life.Now I know that I am the sphere, and all life in rhythmic fragments moves within me’’

By the way,as much as they say they are as good as a fine red wine they are wrong,they never get better with age,as the Latin saying states : senex bis puer!