It’s ok to be morally,physically,and psychologically bankrupt.but it’s not ok to miss all this all the time :

I miss the days when I used to listen to the radio ,back when Radio Jordan 96.3 Fm was my favourite station ( sucks now) , Radio One Israel too. I miss the days when I used to steal my parents Abba and Sabah Fakhri’s cassette tapes to create my own mixtapes , and oh the thrill and excitement that would engulf me whenever I catch one of my fave songs playing and I hit the recording button!

I miss Wednesday’s rock show,I miss being a metal head.I miss cracking up the volume and metallica’s sad but true roaring so fuckin loud my mom would ask me to shut the “masaree3 ” off.

I miss the days when I used to be my brother’s goalkeeper , when the ball was ten pairs of socks wrapped together to replace his deflated football ( thanks mom ).

I miss the old World Cup days ,I miss Figo ,Zidane, Van Basten,Batistuta,Pete Sampras vs Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf and Michael Schumacher .

I miss the friends I had back then,the ones I thought they’d still be with me today .i miss the days when we used to sing together after school,and give every boy we knew a nickname.

I miss the days when I cried because it was the last episode of xfiles,or band of brothers . I miss the days when Hariette was here,and how I loved her,and how my family teased me by calling her my biological mother, she wasn’t just a maid. She was family,and I carry her photo with me wherever I go.

I miss the days when I contoured my face with mom’s lipstick ,and how I secretly died to have her wardrobe .i miss the days when dad danced and sang with a scotch in his hand because it was Irish music, or Scottish bagpipes rocking the house.

I miss Saturday mornings with mom ; watching her favorite Italian series on Israel Channel 1 ,the scandalous “bold and the beautiful ” days ,Eurovision and miss world pageant .

I miss the days before my aunt and my four brothers travelled to the US . I became a dedicated fan of WWE because of them,and what a joy it was to watch my little cousin Qusai play resident evil and nail it,while Tariq the boss championed Need for Speed!

I miss the family game days,I miss Mario ,Lion king and hitman.

I miss the posters and the graffiti I had on the store’s walls because I wasn’t allowed to hang any in my room. I miss the pop magazines I gave away: Smash Hits, Big,Top of the Pops , Live and Kicking magazine .

I miss the days when I never guessed i’d turn 30 so soon,not that it matters . But it is ridiculous how time flies and you still can’t get over many things,or people !

I miss the days when I used mig33 chat app.I miss the dreams I had back then. I miss jumping on my bed and skipping the rope and belly dance and lose myself in something I enjoyed so much.

I miss my old crushes : Nick Carter,David Duchovny,Andre Agassi and his lookalike Mu2ayyad (the guy next door, maybe 8-9 years older than I ) .it was the first time I fell for and craved  an incredibly clean sexy white nape.( and decided that napes are one of the sexiest and most sensual parts of a man’s body along with the torso where the beautiful geminal curves seek to please and tantalise once they meet.

I miss azar habib, the old majida Al roumi,I miss the bracelet I had for 17 years and lost it, I miss labiba and the moomins , treasure island and penguino.

I miss the tears I cried because they meant something,now they just stream down for no good reason .

I miss the days when we’d head to azraq to see grandpa ,and how “peacocky” I’d become for calling me the chief’s granddaughter ,I fuckin miss you grandpa.

I miss the nights on the roof and the conversations and the heartaches , I miss playing the keyboard whenever I see it,I miss the days when I always told mom i’d be a tv presenter . I miss the day she found my first nude drawing of a girl in the shower at the age of five, and the way she beautifully and nicely expressed her appreciation and encouragement yet the importance that no one should see you naked in the shower.Ummm…

I miss that section of the library which lead to the expulsion of Adam and Eve from heaven ,hints : Xaviera Hollander the happy hooker,the story of O ,and once is not enough) I can’t mention the other titles since they contain explicit language !

I miss being a tomboy.

I miss it all , and I’d kill to live those days again and forget everything and everyone I know today. I should be thankful though,but life then and now is incomparable , so different , so colourful,so happy.

Can’t we just rewind?

Sarkasmos nostalgia mode on.